she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
