U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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