For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
