Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize