I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
