Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
