Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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