I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
