Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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