Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
