If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You can't just leave with hair like that
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
