After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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