a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
