if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
