Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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