would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did I show you my penis last night?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
