That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
