He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
