At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
