don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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