Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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