Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
