Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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