Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
