hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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