Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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