I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
