His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
