Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
