walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
