My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
