its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
