for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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