Kiss
Puke
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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