Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
