I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
