eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How naked do you want me to be?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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