My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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