i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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