we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
