i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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