If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
