Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
