I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
