Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
