he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
