you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
