I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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