Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
