Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
