Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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