You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
