Just cropdusted the office
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
