Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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