Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i need some magic done to my vagina
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
