My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
