So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
