Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
