i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
